The New Star Trek is highly entertaining even for this non Star Trek fan.
div>The movie begins with Captain Kirk and Bones running from a tribe of white encrusted folks. Kirk is being the man-child he is, not following orders, hamming it up because he can.Bones bitches.
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Meanwhile Uhura, Sulu, and Spock are trying to place a detonator into an active volcano to save the crusty natives. Sulu is all Sweet Brown “Ain’t nobody got time for this!” because the heat is damaging their vessel and wants to leave, but Spock insists on going in because that’s his orders. Spock places the detonator, the crew escape no one hurt.
|Is this a dress?|
|Dammit, Jim. You were just in a massive shoot-out!|
The crew of the Enterprise prepares to locate Harrison who has taken refuge on the Klingon planet Kronos. Even I know Klingons aren’t to be trifled with. The original gang is assembled: Uhura channels a Terry McMillan character and gives Spock all kinds of attitude. Scotty says Hell to the NO! about flying with torpedoes and quits. Chekov has a slightly better hair cut. There’s some other odd looking folks dotted about the ship and a blonde chick who joins the crew which causes Zoe Saldana to stay relevant by claiming to be androgynous.
Since Uhura is the only one who speaks Klingon, she, Kirk, Spock, and two dudes who will surely die dons leather jackets and head to the planet.
|Black leather SCREAMS ish just got deep|
Rather Harrison breaks it down this way:
RoboCop has Netflix and saw a movie called Demolition Man. So he was inspired to unfreeze Harrison and his people so he would be able to start a war, but with less lame style.
Kirk vows to get justice and tries to return to Earth, but the ship won’t start. Chekov is in full panic mode because the ship is all kinds of messed up. Harrison reveals his real name is Khan, and gives Kirk coordinates to check out. Kirk pages Scotty and asks him to check it out. Scotty grumbles, but travels out, realizing that RoboCop has created a war ship. Scotty manages to sneak aboard this sophisticated military vessel unnoticed.
RoboCop shows up and demands Khan. Kirk and Khan travel through space to board the ship and take RoboCop out. Sulu is given the Captain’s chair and immediately sets a course for White Castle.
It’s some back and forth, RoboCop dies, Kirk gets his butt kicked, Blondie gets injured. Bones bitches.
|Dammit Jim, it’s a Tribble!|
The ship is still messed up, so Scotty reveals someone needs to activate the Omega 13.
|Never give up. Never surrender.|
Kirk makes another selfish decision and kicks the crap out of a broken radiation something that gets the ship flying again. Everyone but the damn doctor gathers to watch Kirk and Spock do some weird Frodo and Sam goodbye before Kirk dies.
Spock has enough sense to know he needs help so he calls Original Spock for advice. Original Spock is all “that Khan is a bad mother shut your mouth!”. New Spock gets spooked and follows Khan to earth where they battle it out a top of a train a la Bond style.
Two weeks later Kirk wakes up and Spock reveals that he got Khan. Rather than destroy Khan, they froze him and his crew and put them into storage for movie three or four.
A year later and Kirk is reading a speech. He’s convinced Star Fleet to let the crew of the Enterprise wander through space on a mission to do whatever it is that they did on the television series. Uhura is no longer pissed at Spock, Chekov is back on the bridge, Sulu gets kicked out of the Captain’s chair, Blondie has a hat, Scotty yells at his little companion.
And Bones bitches.
|Dammit Jim, the show was cancelled!|
Did you see the new Star Trek? What movies did it make you think of?