That’s the sound the wheels of the El train I’m riding home from a meeting in Philadelphia. During my ride, I manage to check my email, send a tweet, and decrease for the toe of the sock I’ve been knitting since October. These are the times that I miss working in Center City. Not the bustle of people or the jobs I did, but the commute. The commute was the transition, from work Me to home Me.
My thoughts as I get off of the train and make the trek back to my office. I make a few calls, answer some emails, and jot down what I learned at the meeting. I brainstorm how I can create programs to help the residents, while fielding a few calls from home.
Pulling up to my house, I immediately feel anger and resentment. Even though I believe in SOME gender roles (The Mister can take out the trash, I’ll tackle Mount Laundry) I find that at some point I accepted my Second Shift role. Carpools to practice, having a permanent partner in The PreTeen because I feel at twelve more than a few hours alone will lead to some type of foolishness. Letting my needs become second to those of everyone around me.
Despite digging in my heels, insisting that I made dinner because I really liked trying new recipes, the mornings spent tidying the house so that I return to a clean space, I still became the type of woman who continues to lose who *I* am in a need to help and please others. I tried the equality thing, I use the “I FEEL” phrase with The Mister when I want to discuss a sensitive subject. I loosen the reigns when it comes to how The PreTeen executes his chores. I have to accept that he will never fold a shirt in the square my mom taught me and that the remnants of the Lego and Nintendo pieces are “HIS” mess in “HIS” room, not really my concern or worry.
Two weeks ago at Toastmasters, there were two speeches that stuck with me. (By the way, the sign of a great speech is if it sticks with you even weeks later). The first speech, by President Carrie Nelson Robinson, was about parental duties. Carrie gave the example of how if we leave the house sans coat and freeze, we learn that when it’s cold we need a coat. Parents, in an attempt to protect and control our children do most of the things for them, and our children don’t learn to do for themselves. We have to let go, allow them to learn from their mistakes, and no matter how difficult it is to let our children fold a shirt jacked up, let him fold that shirt jacked up.
The next speech was Pamela Elaine Nichols who said that in order to be giving we must be selfish. Pam then showed how $.41 can make a difference in our lives.
During a dark time in Pam’s life, she decided to take a 30 day period to get back in touch with herself. She made a bracelet so that she would have a tangible reminder of her affirmations.
The Penny is a promise to make her OWN wellness a #1 priority.
The Nickel is a promise to find five things to be grateful for.
The Dime is a promise to spend 10 minutes doing something she enjoyed.
The Quarter is for the 25 words of appreciation she would speak daily to her children, family, and friends.
During this 30 day period, Pam also kept a journal. At the end of the period Pam was able to reflect on the things she learned about herself. The “selfishness” Pam allowed for 30 days gave her a new outlook on life.
Lately I seem to run into women who are in duress. These women are overweight, frustrated, and as a person said before:
Broke, Busted and Disgusted.
It’s almost a new year. I don’t want to be “Broke, Busted, and Disgusted” anymore. A new year is approaching. I think I have been unsuccessful in the past because I continue to churn.
The definition of “churn” is to produce mechanically. I don’t want to just CHURN anymore. In 2014 I want to produce abundance, not continue this grinding that wears me out.