*…where our heroine has a crises of Faith. A Very Special Episode*
Church has become a chore to me. More often than not, I find myself anxiously perusing the program to see where we are and not so covertly checking the time to see if I can dash out unnoticed.
It feels like I could have had a V8.
How to explain?
I go to church, pray, and read my Bible to be closer to God. To me, it seems that lately, God has (to borrow from my sister) put me in a league of styrofoam cup with a crumpled cigarette, not the top shelf V.I.P. bottles.
That I woke up this morning, was able to receive a hug from the Boy, shoo the cat, and marveled at the snow blanketing the ground should be enough to make me content.
Alas, I’m not.
It feels like I’m shunned, like I embody a torch song about being alone in a crowd, and my flame is slowly flickering out.
My favorite Biblical character, David (shout out to Knitman whose signature touts ‘If. God wanted us to behave, He wouldn’t have created King David’ ) implores the Lord in Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O Lord and renew a right spirit within me.”
Even David, with all his wealth, women and glory had seasons of doubts.
My season feels interminable. (Is that a word?). I am imploring my Lord and Savior to remember a sister! Put me back in the bosom of your love, mercy, and grace!
The Good Reverend Doctor’s Wonderful Wife (GRDWW) always says that we are either going into some trial or coming out of some trial. How long these cycles last, I can’t say. I have taken time to stop and smell the flowers, learned to be in the moment and realized that despite the finite nature of man, God himself is infinite.
Like the man trying to save his son in Mark 9:24 “I do believe; help me overcome my doubt!”
God, unfortunately for impatient me, works in His time. He doesn’t care that I want an iPhone or that I was obedient a majority of the time or that I gave away my too tight (and dated) clothes to the Salvation Army. God just wants our worship and praise. The Ten Commandments tell us how jealous He is, in plain language no matter what translation you use.
Paul reminds us in 1Corinthians 10:13 that God will not allow you more temptation than you can bear.
What does my malaise have to do with temptation? Everything! I’m tempted to give up my weekly church attendance because I don’t feel like it (what if God didn’t *FEEL* like showing us grace). I’m tempted to stop reading my Bible because I don’t hear from God (now reflect on the times when God could have stopped showing me mercy – whizzing over to Queenie’s when she fell and NOT getting stopped comes to mind). God just wants us to praise Him. He doesn’t need our approval or for us to co sign.
When it is good, it is GOOD. When it’s bad, I need to remember that God works on *His* time, not my time.
Lord, You are my shepard.