I have no fantasy that I will ever go below a size 10. I like, no make that LOVE food too much. This January I’m taking a cooking course which means I’m not going to stop eating good anytime soon. Gotta love homework!
However, I have noticed that I’m a lot more squishy* than I’ve been and my right knee SINGS with regret when I walk more than a few feet. I’ve gone from Team Chunk to Team Lard Butt.
I am not happy at all**.
There’s a commercial that comes on during Maury (shifty side eye) that goes something like this:
I don’t have any money because I have a sucky job. I have a sucky job because I didn’t go to school. I can’t go to school because I don’t have any money…and this repeats over and over until the name of a trade school and toll free number pops up.
That’s me and my grief.
I’m too tired because I’m too fat. I’m too fat because I can’t exercise. I can’t exercise because I have no energy. I have no energy because I’m too tired…
The excuses go on and on until I give up and inhale another Payday.
I’ve got to get it together.
One of the things that jump out as I research the process of letting go is that exercise helps. The petulant part of me is like whatever, but I have to admit that when I took the time in the past to “do me” I did feel good and my BS tolerance was much higher. I could shake off the ennui I have and the apathy I’m nursing would be long gone.
Where to begin?
My new go to source for giggles, Cracked.com, has a great article about running. I tried to incorporate #4 into my day, but my American Dad! addiction has me sleeping past eight. By the time I get coffee and feed the cats, it feels too late to actually do anything. Scheduling a run in the evening is out of question. It gets DARK at five. I mean like country dark. Like please, someone attack me and hurt me dark. This also means it’s cold. I’m just not up for that foolishness.
I have my Boot Camp App which can be completed indoors, but indoors is where I keep my bed and the fridge. It’s also a source of distraction because I check my email, the cats love to curl around me when I do floor work, and the nagging feeling of homework/dishes/laundry takes my focus from the day’s exercise.
Then there’s my once thriving yoga practice. If I were to Downward Dog now, it would be ugly. The cats get more use of my mat as a scratching post/bed than I do. I hear it calling to me each day as I bypass it to get to my closet. I’ve even unrolled it and cued a podcast only to get distracted by a hilarious trending topic on Twitter. I joined Yoga Journal’s 21 day challenge but that doesn’t begin until January 9, 2012.
I have two choices. I can hold this extra baggage and start to wash myself with a stick
or I can follow the advice I’ve been researching and really commit to change my life. A recent series of pictures on Facebook from an old schoolmate plus her awesomely inspiring blog, Curly Girl Fit Life, have me rethinking my instinct to procrastinate.
The last post on her blog, gives a compelling argument to start now on 2012 goals. Why wait for January 1, to begin making changes? The changes should and can start NOW.
Not only am I taking that first step (of the thousand miles journey that Confucius talks about) that will free me from this negativity, I’ll also have my body and some peace of mind return to me.
Letting go begins today.
* How The Boy describes my stomach
**Neither is my car. I swear it groaned when I got in it yesterday.