…the church waffle.
Once again I find myself at the intersection of Conundrum and Enigma, wondering why do I bother?
The argument for God in my life grows less passionate each day. Reading my bible becomes a chore I trade for a few rounds of Bejeweled. Prayer time is done when I’m in shavasana, not on my knees.
Today I sat in church and tried to listen to the sermon with my eyes turned to God, but found myself frantic because my nightclub had run out of drinks.*
In the past I clung to my faith with the rationale that if God could raise His son from the dead in three days, He could move whatever obstacle I had in my life.
That’s not enough anymore.
I know that God exists. Somewhat. There’s the God who made my children, each of whom I love and adore so much it makes me ache. There’s the God who wakes me to show off the magnificence that is dawn. The God who placed the rainbow at the end of a storm to show He still remembers the promises He made to His people.
Then there’s the elusive God who doesn’t answer when I prayed. The God who I just don’t feel no matter how many sins I cast away or things I sacrifice for the sake of my Christian label. There’s the God Who seems to skip over me when every one else has begun to sway and call his name during service.
A more mature (read: grew up in the church) tried to reason this way. I trust that my brakes will work when I step on it, faith is the same way. Another one told me you just know cuz you know cuz you know cuz you know.
This week I’m going to try to be more deliberate with my time with God. Rather than focus on my needs, I’m going to pray for others. When I read my Bible I’m going to actively search for His presence in the word, and once again apply it to others.
I’m not sure if this will work, but my hope is that it will change some of my confusion.
*the addictive iPhone app Tiny Nightclub.
(Button to be added when I get to a PC)
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
~ Posted on the fly by Mrsrkfj