When I originally wore this dress, I wore control top pantyhose, my Body Magic undergarment, and still sucked in my gut.
I was plumping up big time.
This picture was taken around the holidays. I may have dipped into extra eggnog, ate more than one candy cane, and I know I massacred chocolate. Not to mention all of the rich foods from all of the holiday parties I attended.
I didn’t really care. I was still getting over the loss of my election, worried about money, and trying to salvage what was left of my classes.
Now, I look pretty hot in my blue dress:
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| Vava Va Voom! |
When I went to the doctor’s for a check up, I found that I lost twenty pounds. That’s like losing a baby!
Part of it was stress. We were in the midst of cookie sales and I was still able to sell cookies anytime and anywhere. Which translated into me *STILL* not working. Since we were trying to sell as many cookies as possible, it felt like all cookies, all the time. There was rarely a day that I didn’t have cookies balanced in various stages of near toppling in my car. We were lugging cookies back and forth all over the city, and Philadelphia got way more money than I wanted to spend (some meters were a quarter for 8 freaking minutes!!!)
Before I knew the exact amount lost, I had people come to me asking how much weight did I lose, or was I sick. Sick of cookies maybe, still feeling stressed about my hellish end to 2011, and tired of The Mister’s take on chicken (I thought I loved cooking chicken, he takes the award). Eating wasn’t my number one priority. Worrying and my internal battle with my faith were my main concerns, and this led to my major melt down.
Despite clothes not fitting properly and my skinny jeans requiring I pull the belt tighter, I still feel like this:
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| Image courtesy of Pretty Thin* |
It doesn’t help that men are starting to notice. Women notice ALL of these kind of things: whether my purse is the real deal or a knockoff; that the dye I chose is not quite the red I used in the past, and that the scuff mark on my boot was not completely covered by shoe polish. Men don’t notice Sugar Honey Iced Tea. So to be asked by a man I have casual contact with how much weight I lost was unnerving. I wonder just how frigging fat I had gotten?
The Mister has repeatedly assured me that I look wonderful, and that despite me being a Catch You Next Tuesday as my body recovers from my smoking habit, I’m still hot.
With my new healthier lifestyle (see the post Kick Butts) I hope my Blue Dress remains the traffic stopper it has been and I continue to add to my knowledge about increased body image awareness and loving myself.
Just like my smoking cessation, I’m taking my weight one day at a time. My AM yoga session is a non negotiable start of my day, although I feel like a contortionist working around one of the furry alarm clocks. With The Boy and Bubbles! on the track team, I try to run three days a week. Rather than sit and chat, I aim for a half hour of jogging before rewarding myself with idle chit chat. I’m sleeping a tick better, being more mindful of a healthy diet rather than my starve and binge I adopted, and thanks to deep breathing I’m waiting before I dig into whatever chocolate I have hoarded.
I missed joining the Diet Bet that some of the PSMMers are doing, however the success stories along with the before and after pictures are enough to keep me motivated. I’m happy to cheer my fellow writers as they wrestle with their own weight loss struggles.
My Blue Dress Photo is featured prominently on my fridge to remind me to control bad eating habits. As corny as I used to feel it was, during yoga, I use positive affirmations to fight the feeling that I am not a whale. Thirty years of sucking in my stomach and trying to squeeze into clothing that clearly didn’t fit is not easily eradicated with some good vibes.
* The Pro-Ana Movement is one that can cause mixed feelings and a site that is very controversial. Some people view it as a way to promote anorexia, some people promote it as a lifestyle choice. I like to eat too much to be anorexic.
Keep the conversation going. Comments welcomed!